Someday 23rd Whatever 1998                                                                                                                               Page1. 
 The Papal                                                                         Weather Outlook

 POPE IN MONOGAMY SHOCK

LEADER SEEN WITH SAME BIRD FOR
MORE THAN TWO DAYS RUNNING
By A. Church - Papal Reporter
An emergency meeting of the Church of Lager Synod was called last night. The unprecedented urgency of this meeting was to explore the possibility of defrocking the popular leader and founder, amidst allegations of monogamistic behaviour.

The Pope, a usually amenable and friendly drunken tart was tonight, unavailable for comment. One of the Church's media representatives did read to us a short prepared statement issued from the Holy Brewery.

"Ladies and Gentlemen. I have a prepared statement from the Deep-Pan Pizza Office of His Eminence. It reads as follows:

'My loyal friends. These allegations are a complete tissue of lies. They are without any foundation or merit. Of course I've dated other birds, honest I have. I can only hope you find the strength in your Lager and believe that what I say here, is true. The Lager flows strong in my family. St. Jammy has it. The Beer Baron has it and; the Sisters of Cider have it. Be strong, drink deeply and remember. The shag is always better in the other bed.'

That's all. Thank you Ladies and Gentlemen for coming."

Despite attempts to solicit more information, no futher statements were forthcoming from the Papal Residence but as new facts break we will keep you posted. An in-depth analysis of these revelations can be found in our exclusive story on page 2.

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