TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING ENGLISH :

1. Two World Wars and One World Cup doo-dah doo-dah....
2. Warm  beer.
3. You get to confuse everyone with the rules of cricket.
4. You get to accept defeat graciously in major sporting events.
5. Union jack underpants.
6. Water shortages guaranteed every single summer.
7. You can live in the past and imagine you are still a world power.
8. Bathing once a week whether you need to or not.
9. Ditto changing underwear.
10. Beats being Welsh (every time!)
 

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING AMERICAN :

1. You can have a woman president without electing her.
2. You  can spell colour wrong and get away with it.
3. You can call Budweiser beer.
4. You can be a crook and still be president.
5. If you've got enough money you can get elected to do anything.
6. If you can breathe you can get a gun.
7. You can invent a new public holiday every year.
8. You can play golf in the most hideous clothes ever made and nobody seems to care.
9. You get to call everyone you've never met "buddy".
10. You can think you're the greatest nation on earth when you're not at all.
 

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING CANADIAN :

1. It beats being American (every time!)
2. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.
3. You can play hockey 12 months a year, outdoors.
4. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.
5. Where else can you travel 1000 miles over fresh water in a canoe?
6. A political leader can admit to smoking pot and his/her popularity ratings will rise.
7. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.
8. Kill Grizzly bears with huge fuckoff shotguns and cover your house in their skins.
9. Own-an-Eskimo scheme.
10. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.
 

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING AUSTRALIAN:

1. Know your great granddad was a murdering bastard that no civilized nation on earth wanted.
2. Fosters Lager.
3. Disposses Abbos who have lived in your country for 40,000 years because you think it belongs to you.
4. Annihilate England every time you play them at cricket.
5. Tact and sensitivity.
6. Bondai Beach.
7. Other beaches.
8. Liberated attitude to homosexuals.
9. Drinking cold lager on the beach.
10. Having a bit of a swim and then drink some cold lager on the beach.

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING FRENCH :

1. When speaking fast you can make yourself sound gay.
2. Have now experienced the joy of winning the world cup for the first time!
    (But we'll still kick your arses at the next European Championships!)
3. You get to eat insect food like snails and frog's legs.
4. If there's a war you can surrender really early.
5. You don't have to read the subtitles on those late night films on T.V.
6. You can test your own nuclear weapons in other people's countries.
7. You can be ugly and still become a famous film star.
8. Allow Germans to march up and down your most famous street humiliating your sense of national pride.
9. You don't have to bother with toilets, just shit in the street.
10. People think you're a great lover even when you're not.
 

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING ITALIAN :

1. In-depth knowledge of bizarre pasta shapes.
2. Not embarrassed when wear fur.
3. No need to worry about tax returns.
4. Glorious military history... well, until about 400 A.D.
5. Can wear sunglasses inside buildings.
6. Political stability.
7. Flexible working hours.
8. Live near the Pope.
9. Can spend hours braiding girlfriend's armpit hair.
10. Country run by Sicilian murderers.
 

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING SPANISH :

1. Glorious history of killing South American tribes.
2. The rest of Europe thinks Africa begins at the Pyrenees.
3. You get your beaches invaded by Germans, Danes, Brits etc.
4. The rest of your country is already invaded by Moroccans.
5. Everybody else makes crap paella and claims it's the real thing.
6. Honesty.
7. Only sure way of getting laid is to dress up in stupid, tight clothes and risk your life in front of bulls.
8. You get to eat bulls' testicles.
9. Gibraltar.
10. Supported Argentina in Falklands War.
 

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING GERMAN :

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10. In-built sense of pacifism.
 

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING INDIAN :

1. Chicken Madras.
2. Lamb Passanda.
3. Onion Bhaji.
4. Bombay Potato.
5. Chicken Tikka Masala.
6. Rogan Josh.
7. Popadoms.
8. Chicken Dopiaza.
9. Meat Boona.
10. Kingfisher lager.
 

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING IRISH :

1. Guinness.
2. 18 children because you can't use contraceptives.
3. You can get into a fight just by marching down someone's road.
4. Pubs never close.
5. Can use Papal edicts on contraception passed in the second Vatican Council of 1968 to persuade your girlfriend that you can't have sex with a condom on.
6. No one can ever remember the night before.
7. Kill people you don't agree with.
8. Stew.
9. Guinness.
10. Eating stew and drinking Guinness in an Irish pub at 3 in the morning after a bout of sectarian violence.
 

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING WELSH:

1. You've got to be joking, haven't you?!?!?!?
 

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Surface often rough, although can be made smooth if deemed necessary.
2. Found in various states, but rarely pure.
3, Non-magnetic.
4. Appears to be repelled by any quantity of coin.
5. Very strong attraction to cars and bikes.
6. Physical size prone to change.  (See chemical properties)

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Able to absorb vast quantities of alcohol, although saturation can have disastrous effects on reactivity.
2. Shrinks in contact with cold water.
3. Highly volatile if left in close proximity to Femme.
4. Specimen not effected by light, although activity increases in the dark.
5. Often prone to exaggeration.

COMMON USES:
1. None

TESTS:
1. No test have been devised for purity.
2. Turns yellow when placed beside a bigger specimen.

HAZARDS:
1. Larger specimens should be treated with extreme care.
2. Smaller specimens should be treated with sympathy.

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Surface usually covered in painted film.
2. Boils at nothing; freezes without known reason.
3, Melts if given special treatment.
4. Bitter if incorrectly used.
5. Found in various states from virgin metal to common ore.
6. Non-magnetic, but attracted to coins and sports cars.
7. In its natural state, specimens vary considerably, but are disguised so well that are often indistinguishable from each other except to the experienced eye.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Has great affinity for gold, silver, platinum and precious stones.
2. Able to absorb great quantities of expensive substances.
3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason.
4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity increases greatly by saturation in alcohol.
5. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.
6. Yields to pressure when applied to the correct points.
7. Leaves a greasy red deposit on contact with porcelain and cigarettes.
8. Activity vastly improved if specimen is placed in the dark.

COMMON USES:
1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
2. Can be a great aid to relaxation.
3. Very effective cleaning agent.

TESTS:
1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state.
2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.

HAZARDS:
1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.  Must be used with great care if experiments are to succeed.
2. Illegal to possess more than one permanent specimen, although a certain amount of exchange is permitted.  Several can be maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come into direct contact with each other.